Gwen then changed into a gray riding habit – one not likely to attract attention – then removed her ermine cape and gloves from her wardrobe before creeping down the servant’s stairwell. She picked up a lantern along the way, exiting the house through the servants’ wing.

On her way to the stables, Gwen inhaled the scent of rain in the air. Fog hovered inches from the ground while dew clung to her skirts.

The night was dark, much like her mood. Dense clouds hid the silver moon. It wouldn’t soon resurface.

She saddled then mounted Majesty, racing toward the small chapel where she was to meet Sebastian. The cold and damp weather turned to a light mist and Gwen raised her hood over her head.

With each trot of her horse’s hooves, she felt more betrayed. 
Tears blurred her vision.

Why did her own father not want her to be married to the man she loved? Every time she admonished him, the reality of his precarious health would hit her and compound her anxiety and guilt.

Gwen shivered again. Even her ermine cape couldn’t ward off the chills that shuddered throughout her body.

There was no way she could marry Keir; not after his behavior tonight. Although crying off would ruin her reputation and disgrace her family, Gwen had no choice. To spend a lifetime with Keir would be sheer torture.

However, in spite of her refusal to marry Keir, she vowed to protect Sebastian and his sister from her own disgrace. He had given up so much for the betterment of his sister and Gwen refused to eradicate that by eloping with him and defaming his family’s honorable name.
Just when she thought her crying had subsided, a lone tear traced a path down her cheek. She had to give Sebastian up. It was the only way she could spare his family the scandal.

But how could she ever make him understand?

As sure as the sun would rise on the morrow, Gwen was certain Sebastian wouldn’t understand her reasons. The next few hours would be the most difficult of her life.

Gwen blinked her eyes against the burning tears as they slowed to a canter, the small chapel now visible.
Enveloped by thick fog, it appeared gothic, even more so when the moon freed itself from behind thick clouds, illuminating it with an unearthly bluish glow.

Gwen’s heartbeat thudding in her ears sounded almost as loud as Majesty’s hooves pounding the hard earth.

She dismounted and tied the reins of her gelding to a nearby tree then entered the dark chapel. Squinting, her eyes adjusted to the darkness as she proceeded to the altar and kneeled.

Please God, help me.

Gwen prayed for another solution, one in which she wouldn’t have to surrender Sebastian, yet she found no solace.

There was no other way.

She had to let him go.

Dear God, give me strength.

The creaking of the heavy oak entry door told Gwen Sebastian had arrived. She heard him place something on a pew before he walked the length of the aisle and knelt beside her, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

Gwen closed her eyes and leaned into him, aware that this would be the last night she would ever be in his arms.

“Have you been waiting long, darling?” he asked in a soft, tender voice.

Darling. Her heart thumped hard against her chest each time it beat. She imagined a lifetime of days and nights hearing Sebastian call her “darling” or a dozen equally endearing pet names.

She shivered from the dampness of the chapel. Or, it could have been from her heart aching.

“You’re cold. Come with me; I brought some blankets and brandy.” Sebastian wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and offered her a flask. “Sip some of this. It’ll warm you,” he said, offering her a reassuring smile.

As she sipped from the flask, her hood slipped off, pooling at her shoulders.
“You’re crying.” His hands trembled ever so slightly as he cupped her face. “What happened with your father tonight?”

She raised her lashes, eyes wide in surprise.

“Victoria told me that you would be confronting your father tonight,” he explained as he wiped a tear with his thumb. “She was much too hopeful and excited to keep the information to herself.”

More tears welled in her eyes. “Victoria shouldn’t have told you. I asked her not to. I didn’t want to raise your hopes.”

“It matters not. We can marry without his consent,” he suggested in a whisper.

She shook her head in denial. “You would never recover from the scandal.”

“I don’t care about scandal. It’s you I care about.”

Inches from him, she memorized his every single characteristic … The deep azure of his eyes; the woodsy scent of his cologne; the softness of his bronzed skin. She reached for him and traced the outline of
his jaw with trembling fingers.

“That’s not true. You care about your sister and have reshaped your entire life to keep her safe from scandal. You can’t stop protecting her on my account.”

“I can protect both of you,” he was adamant. “And I will.”

Gwen walked on unsteady knees to the window, clutching the blanket around her shoulders. His words were so determined.

Sebastian shadowed her. Smoothing her hair, he insisted, “I love you and I’m going to marry you.”

It was the first time he said that he loved her. His words filled her heart to the point where she was certain it would burst.

He loved her.

She had longed to hear it for so long. And now that she had, now that she knew what she would be losing, a part of her wanted to accept Sebastian’s offer of protection, scandal be damned. But her conscience, that nagging inner voice that she wished would shut up, wouldn’t let her be selfish. No matter how much she wanted to.
Gwen had no choice but to let him go. She loved him that much.

“I won’t allow your sister to suffer because of me,” she insisted, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat.

He gently coaxed her around to face him. “Please don’t torment us any further.”

“I can’t marry—”

“You won’t marry me,” he corrected. “And I know why. You’re using my sister as an excuse because you won’t disobey your father.”

“That’s not true,” she averted her gaze. She wanted to make him understand, but he never would. No matter how hard she tried.

Her chest constricted and she was certain her heart was breaking into millions of tiny fragments.

“You’re willing to sacrifice your own happiness, and mine, for a father who has never showed you any affection.” His tone was tinged with reproof. “Why Gwen? Tell me why.”

“It’s a daughter’s duty to obey her father—”

“Don’t you dare hide behind duty, Gwendolyn,” Sebastian said, clutching her shoulders. “You know what you want, now fight for it.”

She struggled to control the torrent of tears threatening to overtake her. “Sebastian, you d-don’t understand.”

He shook her in frustration. “Tell me then. Make me understand.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s too late for that. I’m already hurting.” Sebastian asserted, still shaking her.

His words betrayed his torment and Gwen silently cursed herself for her role in his heartbreak.

“Tell me why you’re doing this to us.” He wrapped her in his tight embrace, as if he decided that shaking her wouldn’t provide him with the answers he sought. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as kissed her head, her cheek, her neck.

“Please try to understand,” she begged between sobs.

He rubbed the curve of her back in a soothing circular motion. “Do you love me?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.

“Of course I love you.”

He tipped her face toward his, his features contorted into a mask of anguish. “Then how can you even think of promising yourself to another man for all your life?”

“Why can’t you see that if we elope, neither you nor your sister would recover from such a scandal?”

“Damn scandal!” He pulled her closer to him. “Scandal will pass.”

Gwen gripped the lapel of his great coat. “The ton is unforgiving and you know that. I won’t sacrifice your sister for my own happiness, no matter how much I want to marry you.”

“Please don’t do this. You want me.” He kissed her closed eyelids between words. “You know how much I want you.”

Sebastian’s sensual tongue trailed her cheeks then reached her lips, the taste of her salty tears lingering on them.

Her response to him was immediate and, in his passionate kiss, she could feel the desperation within him, how much he loved her.

Gwen wrapped her arms around the nape of his neck and gave into the passion of his kiss with the knowledge that this moment would have to last her for the rest of her life.

God, how I love this man.

She bequeathed her soul to him. It would never be recaptured by anyone else.

When their lips parted, Sebastian held her against his heart for an inexhaustible amount of time.

“I will make you happy,” he vowed, as if he was certain she had changed her mind. “I swear to you, I will. And your father will come around, in time.”

Gwen felt like she was going utterly insane. He wouldn’t listen to reason. She had to end this, dash his hopes forever. But how?

God forgive me for what I’m about to do.

Gathering all of her strength to recite the words, she said with finality, “You could never be happy with me, Sebastian.” Each word stabbed at her flesh like a sharp bladed knife.

His hand stilled on her back.

She buried her cheek against his warm chest, listening to the rhythm of his heart. Tears blinded her at the ruthlessness of her plan. “There have been many women before me and there will be many more after me. Do you honestly expect me to believe you will feel
this same love for me next year? Or the year after?”

Sebastian tipped her chin up his eyes measuring her with a fiery stare. “Say you don’t believe me to be so fickle.”

Silence, thick and suffocating, filled the small chapel.

“Please tell me you don’t believe me capable of that. Gwendolyn?” He was desperate, his tone told her so.

“I can’t tell you that.” Gwen couldn’t breathe, her hateful words choking the very life out of her.

Sebastian winced at her harsh words then released her, putting distance between them. His eyes were now flat.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered then fled from the chapel.

Sebastian stood there, stunned, as he watched her run out of his life. His world, which for a few brief moments had been sunny with bright colors and vibrant dreams, was now dark and obscure.

She doesn’t believe me.

When he first saw her, kneeling in prayer on the damp floor, the knot in his had stomach relaxed. He thought she was offering a prayer of thanks; he thought she’d agreed to marry him. But that constricting knot within his abdomen tightened once again at the sight of her swollen eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. It hadn’t subsided and he was certain it never would.

Nor would he ever feel happiness again.

Sebastian rode home in a state of shock. Numb, he stabled his horse, headed to his study, and poured himself a tumbler of whiskey.

Another followed.

Then a third.

When he reached the bottom of the whiskey decanter, he’d moved onto his bottle of scotch.

How can she think I’m so fickle?

Sebastian looked back on his life. Gwen had been correct in saying there had been many women in his life, but that was when he was a young man. After viewing so many women humiliate themselves by chasing after his married father, he learned to view most females of
the ton as greedy and manipulative.

He knew of no happy marriages. Convenient, yes, lacking warmth and passion at best. In his earlier opinion, marriage was the means to an end. A way of producing an heir. Nothing more.

His parents’ marriage was depraved. His mother opened her heart to his father, placing it on display for all to see, loving her husband without shame while her husband abused and openly cheated on his wife, further humiliating her by inviting his mistresses to their
London parties. Was it any surprise that Sebastian had no faith in love, let alone the institution of marriage?

Until he met Gwen.

What he wouldn’t give for the chance to relive his life, to live for Gwendolyn or for the promise of her. Hell, if he’d had the foresight to know how she would fill his heart, he would have lived like a monk until he found her.

For the first time since his mother’s death, tears fell freely. Sebastian wept for lost love and unanswered prayers.

Most of all, he wept because he had experienced at last the love his mother promised him. And Sebastian didn’t want to relinquish her last precious gift.

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